


(wish i had) the assurance of having you

by bloody_american (pajaro)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Bottom Kakashi, Friends to Lovers, Jealousy, Kakashi has feelings (that he likes to strangle ruthlessly), M/M, Naruto is legit always the romantic in my fics idek, it's a thing, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-28
Updated: 2014-09-28
Packaged: 2018-02-19 02:22:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2370917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pajaro/pseuds/bloody_american
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It wasn’t a relationship. </p>
<p>They didn’t date and go on walks and hold each others hands and give each other flowers or chocolates or call each other by pet names. They weren’t a couple, they were just... together. Kakashi probably wouldn’t know how to have a normal, healthy relationship even if he wanted to, so as far as he was concerned the point was moot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(wish i had) the assurance of having you

**Author's Note:**

> Written back in '09 for [a prompt](http://kakanaru.livejournal.com/117692.html?thread=511164#t511164) on the first ever (and possibly only?) KakaNaru kinkmeme on LJ. D'aww, the fandom nostalgia is fierce with this one. The original title is 'Not A Relationship' because shitty titles is/was my forte, ok?
> 
> Anywho, found this in my fic folder on a computer I haven't used in eons and thusly, I am posting it. Idk. I think I'd just be sad if I somehow lost it forever. This was my first kinkmeme fill. (Srsly with the nostalgia in this one.)

He’d seen it happening. The looks that lingered a moment too long, the touches – simple touches, _friendly_ touches, a light pat on his shoulder here, the barest graze to his elbow there, and that one time when a leaf was pulled from messy blonde hair and blue eyes flashed in a strange mixture of irritation and amusement – small and insignificant, to the average person they meant nothing. 

To Kakashi they meant everything.

*

They’d been doing this thing that they’re doing for a while now. It started one night after a week-long mission ended up lasting two weeks – they were both raw and vulnerable and so _tired_ of being alone and on their own all the time so they decided to be alone together – and had been going on ever since. 

It wasn’t a relationship. 

They didn’t date and go on walks and hold each others hands and give each other flowers or chocolates or call each other by pet names. They weren’t a couple, they were just... together. Kakashi probably wouldn’t know how to have a normal, healthy relationship even if he wanted to, so as far as he was concerned the point was moot.

So, they weren’t a couple and they didn’t _date_ but they did spend a lot of time in each other’s company and things were... nice. They were comfortable. Sometimes they had dinner together – ramen or sushi or something savory to fill Kakashi’s stomach (though usually he deferred and it would be endless bowls of ramen stacked sky high) – and sometimes they didn’t. Sometimes they skipped all the foreplay and just fucked. It was good.

And Kakashi was okay with that because wouldn’t know what to do with more if he had it anyway.

*

One of Kakashi’s many problems stemmed from the fact that he allowed himself to get comfortable in the first place. He _never_ got comfortable, never _allowed_ himself to reach that state of careless abandon. He was a shinobi first and, as such, knew intrinsically, as well as logically, that letting down his guard was folly. Things would only end up hopelessly messy and probably painful and definitely uncomfortable, all things he fervently wished to avoid, if he did.

But seeing this new development in a relationship, a friendship between two that had for so long been based on animosity, a constant battle of one-upmanship and what he once thought was a fucked up sense of brotherhood... he felt lost. Kakashi hadn’t noticed his growing co-dependence before but he noticed it now and the thought of it ending brought about pretty much the same feeling he had at the thought of plucking the sun from the sky. 

Because both would inevitably turn his world into darkness.

*

He focused on the bowl in front of him and nothing else. The perfectly cooked noodles swimming in an equally perfectly prepared broth was as unappealing at this very moment as a platter of tempura covered in... something just as disgusting.

The sound of raucous laughter brought Kakashi out of his perusal of the bowl before him and he looked to the source. Naruto was laughing at something Sasuke had said. His face was red and there were tears streaming down it but he looked genuinely happy and amused, and on Sasuke, Kakashi could see the barest hint of the smile he usually guarded so fiercely. The longer he sat, the more Kakashi’s chest felt like it was being stabbed over and over with dozens of sharp, pointy knives. 

He put a smile on his face and nodded when Naruto looked his way but he could tell it didn’t reach his eye. Not that it mattered. Naruto didn’t notice and Kakashi was a pro at making people believe whatever he wanted them to believe. It was practically in his job description. 

Feeling like a third-wheel when it was Sasuke who decided to join _them_ for dinner, Kakashi grimaced behind his mask and decided it was time to go. The night was for the young or so he’d been told and he was no longer a part of that subset. Pushing his still untouched bowl towards Naruto, he patted the blond on the shoulder, waved at Sasuke (who looked all too eager to have him gone) and headed home. 

Kakashi’d been in his apartment long enough to take off his sandals, his leg wrappings and hang his flak jacket up on a hook by the door when someone was there knocking on the other side. They didn’t wait for him to open it but barged right in, in their usual method and slammed it behind them, also like usual. Kakashi was slouched with his hands in his pockets. He simply raised an eyebrow, and gave Naruto a very unimpressed look.

Naruto pursed his lips, crossed his arms and looked at him like he was trying to figure out the best way to catch something that was eluding him. It reminded him so much of the man when he was younger that Kakashi had to hold back a chuckle. 

“Something’s up with you,” Naruto wasted no time getting straight to the point. “What is it, Kakashi? What’s wrong?” He’d been calling him by his first name since the beginning at Kakashi’s insistence. It didn’t really feel right to have someone call you sensei while they had their cock down your throat. 

“What could possibly be wrong, Naruto?” Kakashi smiled but he felt the beginnings of a headache forming. Best to just tell Naruto he was mistaken and send him on his way.

“If I _knew_ I wouldn’t be _asking_ you.” Naruto sounded angry. He crossed the few feet that separated them in a single stride and narrowed his eyes. They were of a height and Kakashi could see the blue of his eyes quite clearly.

“It’s nothing. Why don’t you just go back to Sasuke? If you hurry, I’m sure you can still catch him—“

“Why would I do that?” Naruto looked a little less angry and a little more confused.

Kakashi didn’t say anything, just looked away. He should say something to head this off because while Naruto wasn’t the brightest bulb in the box he wasn’t the idiot child he had once been. He would figure this out with time.

“Forget I mentioned it, then. I’m going to bed now anyway, so I’ll see you to—“

Naruto frowned and then looked surprised. “It’s Sasuke!” He shouted.

Shit. “Look, Naruto—“

“It _is_ him, isn’t it? What is it? Are you angry that he’s been hanging around? I mean, he’s been doing it a lot lately. It’s kind of weird but I think I’m finally rubbing off on him and he’s, you know, trying to be social for once.”

Kakashi cringed at Naruto’s word choice. “No, I’m not—“

“Then what is it?” Naruto was tenacious.

Kakashi couldn’t think of a thing to say. He looked away again and curled his fingers into fists.

Naruto’s eyes widened in realization. “Is it? Are you—“

“Am I what?” Kakashi narrowed his eye dangerously. He didn’t want to discuss it—

“Are you jealous?”

“No,” he said after too-long a pause in the conversation.

“You are!” Naruto laughed triumphantly and irritation and anger filled Kakashi’s senses. That Naruto would laugh when he felt like... “You are! You’re jealous of Sasuke! I can’t believe it, I’d never in a million years—“

Kakashi shoved him back into the door. “Shut. Up.”

Naruto looked shocked but definitely not ready to let it go. “Why?”

Not bothering to reply, Kakashi shut Naruto up the old fashioned way. Yanking his mask down around his neck, he pressed their lips together in a rough, angry kiss. Teeth and lips and tongue, he possessed Naruto’s mouth like he wanted to do to the blond, body and soul. 

He wanted Naruto to be _his_ and _only his_ but he couldn’t, he didn’t know how to make it happen and Kakashi couldn’t just force it on the blond so he poured all his frustrations into another kiss, grinding his rapidly filling erection against Naruto’s hip. If he could just keep him here forever, Kakashi thought, then he wouldn’t have to go through the pain of being left behind again.

“Fuck, Kakashi.” Naruto had apparently had enough of being manhandled and he pushed them back until they fell onto Kakashi’s bed a few feet away. It didn’t take long to rid each other of their clothing even with the fact that Naruto couldn’t pull himself away from Kakashi’s skin for more than a few seconds at a time. 

“Beautiful,” Naruto whispered looking down at him and Kakashi frowned. “Yeah, _you_ , you idiot.” Naruto whispered against his skin. He used his teeth to torture one nipple while his fingers pulled and twisted the other. The dual sensation made Kakashi pull on the reigns and clench his jaw tightly.

“You think I would rather have him?” Naruto’s voice was soft but thick with arousal, his hands on Kakashi’s body reverent. Wet fingers circled his hole, teasing him.

He couldn’t. Kakashi couldn’t let himself believe... he’d _seen_ the way they were together. It was evidence enough.

“You think I would rather do _this_ ,” he squeezed Kakashi’s cock forcing Kakashi to bite his lip, “with anyone else?”

“I’ve seen the way he looks at you. Anyone would think—“

“So _what_?!” Naruto interrupted angrily. “Just because _he_ might be interested, and I’m not saying that he is! That means I have to feel the same way? Sasuke is an arrogant jerk and I love him but only like a brother. He’s family.”

Their eyes met; pale gray versus a shockingly vibrant blue. Kakashi hated feeling like this. He didn’t let his emotions rule him for good reason. They threw his whole world out of whack and the situation he found himself in was prime example of that fact. It was more than he ever wanted to deal with but he knew the truth when he heard it. Naruto didn’t lie. Not about the important things, anyway.

He growled and pulled Naruto down into a kiss. Naruto stretched him quickly as their mouths met, nipping and licking at parted lips, and then lubed up and lined himself up with Kakashi’s ass. 

“Kakashi, I...,” Naruto paused biting his lip and Kakashi’s cock twitched. “I only want you.” He held his gaze to make sure Kakashi understood then he pushed his way inside, not stopping until Kakashi could feel the scratch of coarse blond hairs pressed against his ass. 

Kakashi groaned. “Fuck.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m on it.” Naruto muttered as he panted, trying to hard not to smile. And then in the next instant, he _was_ on it. 

Kakashi gritted his teeth together and fisted his hands in the bed sheets as Naruto began to move. He’d hardly let Kakashi adjust to the intrusion before his hips were in motion, rapidly sliding his cock in and out of Kakashi’s body. 

Kakashi swallowed a moan at a particularly strong thrust. It felt like a ricochet of white-hot sensation travelling up his spine. Naruto kept at it, pulling all the way out and pushing all the way back in with thrusts so sharp and hot he was grazing Kakashi’s prostate on every stroke. Kakashi tried, gods did he try, but he could no longer keep all the sounds he wanted to hide on the inside. 

It was always like this, Naruto doing everything he could to make Kakashi moan and Kakashi doing the exact opposite just on principle but this time was different. Everything felt more intense with the knowledge that Naruto wasn’t going anywhere. That Kakashi would be able to keep him for a little while longer. 

It didn’t take long after that. Naruto leaned down to kiss him, squeezing his erection as he sped up his movements. Fucking him fast and jacking him faster. Kakashi felt his orgasm in what felt like every nerve in his body as he came hard – back arching, toe curling – over Naruto’s fist. Naruto followed shortly after with a shout and then collapsed on top of him, allowing Kakashi to take on the full weight of his body.

They lay like that for a while and Kakashi stared at the ceiling as his breathing returned to normal. He wasn’t thinking about Sasuke for once but rather just enjoying being near Naruto. 

Finally, the blond stirred, pulling out of Kakashi’s body and curling up at his side, licking his chops like a satisfied cat.

“We should clean up,” Kakashi said later when the lethargy had lessened to the degree that his mouth and brain were working in sync again.

Naruto looked up at him from under long lashes and grinned. “You’re just looking for an excuse to have shower sex.”

Kakashi tried to look affronted but it didn’t take. After a moment, he just smiled and shrugged. 

“Might as well not waste a good opportunity,” Naruto said and before Kakashi could get up to head to the bathroom he was grabbed and pulled into a kiss. It was less intense than their previous kisses, but that was because it wasn’t about sex or arousal. It was about comfort and affection and a million other things Kakashi never thought he would feel in his lifetime. 

When Naruto broke away, he smiled and licked his lips contentedly. Maybe there was something to be said about getting comfortable, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> For those who like to know, the prompt was: "Post-timeskip, jealousy over Sasuke (preferably warranted in some way--I don't care if the jealousy is from Kakashi or Naruto), established relationship, reassurance, Naruto tops"


End file.
